That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
