Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I understand Curling. That high.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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