You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
