just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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