I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
