can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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