I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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