Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
