UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
