Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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