Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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