I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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