There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
