Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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