We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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