You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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