I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
