I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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