I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
