I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
