i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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