Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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