What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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