Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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