drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
