i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize