My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
