Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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