I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
