We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
