just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We need to get me chipped asap
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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