I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
