I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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