Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
