Three words: puerto rican gang bang
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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