wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
