only if we run a train.
done.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
