Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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