how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
