If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
