It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
