apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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