he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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