I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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