It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
