Who wears a wallet chain?!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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