my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
