dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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