I'm lost and stupid without you.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
