whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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