just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
