I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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