Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
