Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
me + whiskey = a bad person
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
