why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
