and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
