so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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