So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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