I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
