My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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