Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
