Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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