dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
