Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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