Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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