I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
