he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
