And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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