But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you made out with another girl for some wings
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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