It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
