I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
