I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
