He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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