I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
