I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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