if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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