This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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