I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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