I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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