The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
