i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
