Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
