he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So apparently I’m into choking now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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