Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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