Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize