I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
