You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
