apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
