If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
