I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize