Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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