somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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