the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
