look no pants
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
