i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
