with your own penis?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
