Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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