I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
