oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
