So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I bet he comes in French.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm eating all of the evidence.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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