i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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