He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
