he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
