I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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