Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize