You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
