Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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