I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
