I just threw up on my dentist
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
