i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
