He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
