lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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