Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
