i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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