maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
